We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want.And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants. Gail Saltz, is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian’s Weill-Cornell Medical College.When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.” That had been my experience with men.He said, “Lisa, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask themselves what part of their own life still needs work. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].But you can ask yourself why you accept it and how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t accept it again.
Before I knew these things, I was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness.My relationships are more meaningful, more loving, more free, and most importantly – more fun!And my overall happiness continues to grow, too, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not. I went on dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart away foolishly, and met my husband.It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect.